Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
high people should be assigned attendants
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
