Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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