I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
