You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
