Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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