Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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