My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
