im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
