The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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