tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
