I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
