she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
