i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
