hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
