What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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