my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
