I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
there's paper in my vomit.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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