Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
