a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just invented taco cereal.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize