she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
