I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
