It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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