How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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