Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
