dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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