Me too!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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