I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
