I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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