You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
