Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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