Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
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I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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