my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
