She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
