he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
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I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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