we have officially lost it.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
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FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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