There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
