Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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