Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
