She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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