i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize