Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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