cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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