people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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