i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
