It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I want her autograph on my taint
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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