My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
