fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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