being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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