Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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