this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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