I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
