so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Randomize
