There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
