It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
