yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We are two peas in an std pod
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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