Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
zippers are such a cool invention
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Randomize
