you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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