Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
