I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
