Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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