They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
