You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
