i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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