I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
