Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
